


The Sun's Child

by JohnMyBeloved



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gay Sirius, Gen, LGBT, Lily Evans is a Queen, Marauders, TW: slurs and outdated language regarding the LGBT community, bisexual remus, trans girl oc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 06:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11411772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnMyBeloved/pseuds/JohnMyBeloved
Summary: " do you know anything about phoenixes? "" I know that they are immortal. "" No no, Firewing. They may live for a very long time but they're not immortal. In fact every few hundred years, they burst into flames and out of the ashes, they are reborn. The same Phoenix with a different and better suited body. "//Ellis Adedayo, aka Firewing, is the fifth member of the Marauders.He is also know for being the best secret keeper in the whole of Hogwarts.He knows about James' plans to win the heart of Lily Evans. He knows about how Sirius cares for Remus in a way different than brotherly. And how Remus feels the same about Sirius. He knows about Severus Snape's odd doings with the so called "Death Eaters".But his best kept secret is one of his own.The secret of who he really is.





	The Sun's Child

**Author's Note:**

> This based on a tumblr prompt that basically said, 
> 
> "In the gryffindor tower, if a boy tries to go up the girl's staircase, it turns into a slide. What if one day a kid steps foot on it, but it remains stairs, all the way to the top, and at the top the kid whispers 'I knew I was a real girl'"
> 
> So this fic is inspired by that!  
> Enjoy  
> H.

The sun kissed the walls of the Gryffindor boy's dorm room as it streamed through the windows and between the gaps of the heavy, crimson curtains. The gold of the wallpaper shone brightly in the sunlight and reflected some of the light into the faces of the sleeping students.

The curly haired, black wizard awoke first. He was around fifteen and mostly fresh faced bar the few hormone induced spots on his forehead, nose and chin. He patted his hand on the bedside table to his right and wrapped his hand around his thin framed, circular glasses before sliding them onto his nose as so the blur of colours that made up the dorm could morph into distinctive shapes.

The next boy to awaken was the wizard in the bed to his left. Another fifteen year old with sandy blond/brown hair that stuck to his sweaty forehead. Along his face ran a salmon coloured scar that stood out starkly against his pale skin. He opened his eyes slowly and sighed deeply.

In turn a small boy in the bed across from Remus opened his eyes and sat up. He was much smaller than the wizard in the bed next to him and his eyes seemed too small for his face. The boy was on the chubbier side and even in the morning, his skin was a light shade of red.

The last two to wake up were both wizards of sixteen. One had raven, shoulder length hair while the other had short brown hair that, when styled, would become a well known quiff.

"Mornin' boys!" Ellis shouted loudly with a smirk and watched as his friends recoiled from the sudden yell.

"Umph, shut up Eli!" James hissed and threw his arm dramatically over his eyes to block out the sun rays. Sirius hummed in agreement.

"Hurry up and get ready! I'm hungry and I won't hesitate to leave you and go with Evans to the Great Hall," Ellis threw on his robes and quickly attempted to style his growing afro. His mother had wanted him to have it cut but he loved his hair. It's length and thick curls gave him strength, his hair gave him pride and power.

It also made him feel a little more like who he was inside.

"Alright, alright! No need to make a move on my girl, I'll be done in a sec!" James huffed and flapped his arms in Ellis' direction. The wizard rolled his eyes and threw his bag over his shoulder.

"I'll meet you lot in the common room. If you're not down in fifteen minutes, I'll be going."

Ellis walked out from the small section of the dorm room which the Marauders inhabited, and down the stairs into the common room where a group of other Gryffindors were milling about before they headed to breakfast.

The common room was a room of great importance to Ellis. It was his home away from home. When he yearned for his three bedroomed flat in Hackney; where he lived with his mother, father and three sisters, he'd come to the common room and sit in front of the fire and think of the warmth of his family.

From where he sat on the lush, bright red sofa; he could see the two large staircases what led to both the boy's dormitory and the girl's. He had seen on many occasions how the girl's staircase would morph into a slide if a wizard tried to make his way up into the dormitory.

He found himself many times wondering what would happen to him if he tried to climb the stairs to reach the dormitory. His friends often joked about how feminine he was and how he was better suited to being a witch than a wizard.

He didn't know.

He knew deep down, in a crevice in his heart that he wasn't happy. He thought it was irrational and silly; he had everything that could possibly make him happy. He had amazing friends, was in the best house at Hogwarts, was passing all his classes, he even had a crush that he was making considerable progress with.

Yes, he wasn't straight but at Hogwarts, it didn't seem to matter. He was sure that most of his year knew about his bisexuality whether through rumour or having witnessed his grand coming-out in the Ravenclaw common room after he was caught snogging a wizard in the year above.

It was something else that saddened Ellis. Maybe it was because he was known as Eli and not Ellie, _no shut up brain! I'm a wizard not a witch!_

He shook his head and looked down at his watch and started counting down the minutes until he'd leave his friends to get food. He still had fifteen minutes until he could go for food.

The pulled out a book from his bag and set to reading it while he waited. He got through about half a page before the sofa sagged next to him and he was joined by a fellow student. He finished his page before turning his attention to the newcomer.

"Good morning, Adedayo."

"G'morning, Evans," Ellis smiled tiredly and put his book back into his satchel.

"What are you reading?" She said and leant over to try and get a glimpse of the cover.

" _To Kill A Mockingbird_ ," he replied. Lily's face broke into an excited smile and she basically jumped from her seat.

"I love that book so much! It's a masterpiece. Merlin's beard, how are you finding it?" Lily chatted away and truthfully, Ellis found it hard to keep up with her especially as he had only woken up half an hour earlier. He adjusted his glasses slightly to a more comfortable position.

"It's good, I like it a lot. I think that Atticus is a very good man for what he did, not many other people would've helped Tom Robinson." Ellis closed his bag and sat back against the sofa.

"It's a shame that the world is in such a state that we see Atticus as a great man just because he helped a black man. It is a basic human right to be helped when in need," Lily said softly.

"It is but that's how the world works. Damn, if I was in Tom's place I'd thank the lord if a good lawyer helped me. It may be 1976 but things are still bad for people like me, Lily," Ellis sighed.

"But race doesn't matter in the Wizarding World, Eli."

"Maybe it doesn't but, Lily, you know very well what it's like to be judged for being a muggleborn. And then in the muggle world I'm judged because I'm poor, bisexual and black. Both worlds are hard places for people like me," Ellis explained, slightly cringing at the use of Eli.

_Stop being weird, Eli, it's your goddamn name! Now Lily is going to suspect something._

"I'm sorry, Eli- _Ellis_. It's horrible," Lily patted his arm lightly and gave him a quick hug, one that ended as soon as they saw James, Sirius, Remus and Peter walk down the stairs and into the common room.

"See you later, Ellis."

"Bye, Lily," he smiled lightly and waved as she walked back to her friends. He envied the Evans girl, he envied her long hair and small stature; he envied how well she applied her make up and wore her dresses.

 _Fuck Ellis, you're a boy! Stop being so stupid!_ He thought to himself.

But secretly, deep down, he knew he wasn't right. He knew that he wasn't a boy.

»«

Remus collapsed into the sofa and pulled Sirius down with him, then wrapped his arms around the dark haired wizard, pulling him closer to his chest.

The werewolf breathed in the scent of his new boyfriend and placed kisses along the back of Sirius' neck.

James sat across from the two and rolled his eyes at the very public display of affection. Peter sat next to him looking everywhere but at the couple and Ellis sat in an armchair in front of the fire with Remus and Sirius to his right.

"Ugh, you two are so disgusting. Like Jesus, you don't have to rub it in that we're single," James groaned.

Remus smirked and kissed Sirius' cheek. "awww, poor Prongs and Wormtail; rejected by everyone," Sirius chuckled and sat up straighter, with his arm still around Remus' waist.

"I haven't been rejected by everyone! And why didn't you include Firewing's name in that list? He's as single as we are," James huffed.

At his name, Ellis turned his attention and raised an eyebrow at his friends and pulled his best _why-are-you-including-me-in-your-stupid-conversation_ face.

Remus laughed, "I know plenty of people who want to shag Firewing, I think that even Evans wants a bit of him."

James gasped and turned to Ellis with a look of horror and betrayal. "No! Evans doesn't like Ellis! I refuse to believe it! Anyway, Lily Potter sounds so much better than Lily Adedayo- no offence mate."

Ellis' eyes flickered between the boys and his threw his head back with a groan, "Prongs, nothing is happening or will happen with Lily."

"You promise?" James asked with his eyes narrowed.

"I swear."

Peter laughed, as did Sirius and Remus at James' face and the group fell back into the calm atmosphere that it had been in before.

Until Lily ran into the common room and pulled on Ellis' arm. The boys watched in confusion as Lily started to loudly chat away to their friend.

"Ellis, I need your help with something," Lily said with pleading eyes.

He titled his head in confusion, " _oh hi Ellis, how are you? I'm fine thanks Lily, and you_?" He said sarcastically and avoided the burning stare of James. "What d'you need help with?"

Lily huffed and rolled her eyes dramatically, "I need help with a muggle studies project."

"Can't you get one of your friends to do it?"

"No I need you, Ellis! Please, please, please," she pleaded and pulled on his arm. He sighed and allowed her to pull him up from his chair.

He waved slightly at the Marauders, "I'll see you in a bit." They murmured a reply and waved back as Ellis and Lily left the common room.

When the door closed behind them, and they had bid a farewell to the Fat Lady, they made their way towards the Hufflepuff common room down near the kitchens.

"What are we exactly doing, Lily?" Ellis asked a little nervously.

She smirked at him which only made him more confused and slightly scared. "Well in Muggle Studies we're doing a project about cultures and my group need you to model for us so we can take pictures and draw you."

"Wait- what? Are you going to put me in makeup and dresses?!" He pulled away from Lily's grasp and straightened his shoulders.

"Yes, Ellis. Now stop acting like a child and help us," she scowled and said patronisingly.

He shook his head, "no Lily. I'm a guy, guys don't wear dresses and makeup. Only drag queens and _transsexuals_ do that! Can't you get someone else who will do it? Why me?"

She slapped his shoulder, not hard enough to hurt but enough to show her anger. "Get over yourself, I thought you were better than all those other guys shrouded in their fragile masculinity. We asked you because all the other groups are using generic looking witches and we wanted to be different. And you m would look amazing in the stuff we have! Your hair is beautiful and your face too! Please, Ellis, just do this for me and in return I'll do anything for you. I swear."

The wizard's mind was split in two. Part of him hated the idea of dressing up, _it isn't manly_!, but part of him yearned to feel the soft material of a dress against his skin and have makeup on his face. He wanted flowers and ribbons woven into his hair and to have his nails painted in bright, pastel colours. He wanted to feel pretty.

He found himself reluctantly agreeing to Lily and then being pulled into the Hufflepuff common room to where a small group of girls sat waiting for them.

"Lily, thank you for finally arriving. And thank you, Ellis, for doing this for us. It means a lot and we promise that no one will know that it's you," one of the girls said. He nodded and smiled tightly at the hijab wearing witch. He looked to Lily for an introduction.

"Oh yeah, Ellis, this is: Martha Greenward, Olga Aleksova, Hadassah Berkowitz, Simone Lucas and Fatima Ahmed. Girls, this is Ellis Adedayo."

"Nice to meet you," He said quietly and gave a little wave. The girls replied with a similar greeting and ushered him into a small side room where all their makeup and clothes were.

"Seeing as you're a boy and won't be able to go to our dorm, this room will have to do," Olga stated and lead him to a small, plain black chair. He sat down and waited for the girls' plan to be set into motion.

"So the plan is to reflect each of our cultures and own styles. Olga will put you in traditional Russian clothes, Martha will dress you as a hippy, Hadassah is Jewish so she'll put you in some traditional clothes, Simone is Ugandan and she's got some of her mum's clothes, Fatima has got a hijab that will look good on you and some other stuff."

"And you, Lily?"

"It's a surprise."

»«

Martha tapped on Ellis' shoulder to tell him to open his eyes. He had noticed, over the course of the few hours he had been with the girls, that she barely spoke more than a few words at a time and always in a hushed whisper.

Ellis opened his eyes and looked into the mirror. His reflection took his breath away.

Martha had given him a long flowing, white maxi dress that had been carefully hand embroidered with yellow into simple daisy shapes along the hems. The dress hung to just below his knees and was loose fitting around his lean body. He couldn't help but notice how well the dress suited his dark skin tone.

Martha had also undone the braids that  Simone had done around half an hour before and had combed his hair to give it more volume and had woven yellow and white flowers into the thick, corkscrew curls.

On his face she had applied makeup that followed the colour scheme of her photo: yellow eyeshadow, orange lipstick and had drew a handful of freckles upon his nose and cheeks.

"D-do you like it, Ellie?" Martha whispered and ran her hand across her light brown arm.

Ellis' breath caught in his throat and slowly turned to Martha, "what did you say?" He asked slowly.

"I see you, Ellie. I feel your pain and confusion but I see who you truly are," she replied in a voice so quiet that Ellis could've been sure that she hadn't said anything. He didn't reply and turned is attention back to the mirror, trying to cast Martha's words from his mind.

He preferred this look much more than what Lily had decided to put him in; a red, sparkly jumpsuit with gold and red makeup and a bright crimson bow.

He liked how he looked, he felt more comfortable than he had ever felt. But he couldn't ignore the anxious bubble in his chest that kept screaming at him, _stop this nonsense now! Boys don't like wearing clothes like this! Stop embarrassing yourself!_

"Turn around for us, Ellis," Lily called from the other side of the room. He took a deep breath and walked out from behind the sheet that gave him enough privacy to change.

He walked out and was met with loud gasps. The girls watched him wide eyed as he stood in front of the camera they had set up and with their mouths open. He suddenly felt very self conscious and silly and started to pick at the sunny yellow varnish on his nails. "Do I really look that bad?" He coated his voice in faux cockiness and raised his eyebrow in his trademark expression.

The girls stayed silent but shook their heads. "No, Ellis, you look breathtakingly gorgeous," Lily spoke up. Hadassah slowly came up to Ellis and slipped her hand under his chin and tilted his face down so she could see him properly.

"It is if you were meant to be a witch, Ellis," she said almost to herself.

He gulped deeply and pulled himself away from Hadassah's touch. "Well I'm not a witch, this is just for your stupid project so let's just get this photo done. This is the last one right?"

Hadassah looked saddened at Ellis' words but his mind was too panicky to even notice. Martha nodded and stood behind the camera, then gesturing to where he should stand and what stance to have.

Once the photos were done, Ellis slipped back behind the sheet and slowly took of the dress, dragging out each moment so he may have a little longer within its softness and rightness.

He followed up by slowly wiping off the makeup from his face, finding himself sadder and sadder as the colour disappeared and his face became plainly masculine once again. He then carefully removed the flowers from his hair and placed them on the table in front of him as so not to damage their petit structures.

He slipped on his robes and in the spur of the moment, he decided against removing the soft yellow nail varnish from his fingers- convincing himself that he could just pretend that he was dared to keep it on- and decided to hide one of Simone's blue ribbons in his pocket.

When he came out back into the room, it was empty except for Lily and Martha who were quietly chatting away while tidying up any mess made. The two looked up at him and smiled softly.

"I guess that we'll be going now, Martha. See you later," Lily hugged the smaller, silver haired girl.

"Okay, goodbye Lily. Thank you for helping us, Ellis," Martha watched Ellis with a deep, knowing look. One which turned Ellis into a stuttering mess of anxiousness,

"no worries. Bye," he waved and practically ran from the room and out of the Hufflepuff common room, with Lily trailing behind him some way behind.

They walked in complete silence until they neared the Gryffindor tower, when Lily pulled Ellis aside and spoke quickly and in a hushed tone, but still meaningfully.

"Thank you for everything, Ellis. You've really helped us out."

"No problem, Lily. But I just want to get back to my dorm now," his gaze fluttered around the corridor to watch out for any students.

"Yeah sure, but I want to let you know that I know what's going on with you. And I want to let you know that I will support you every step of the way and you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not around me," she watched him carefully, as one would with an easily startled animal.

"I don't know what you mean," he tried not to choke on the lump in his throat that grew bigger and bigger with every passing moment.

"I think you do, but what I'm saying is that you don't have to be Eli with me. You're free to be Ellie," Lily said kindly and took his larger, decorated hand.

Ellis pulled his hand from hers and stalked back to the common room, where his friends waited with burning questions.

»«

He had been eight years old when he had first worn a dress. The year was 1968, little more than a year after the muggle government had decriminalised homosexuality.

The dress had been one of his sisters, Marie's possibly. It had been thigh high on her yet because of his age, it stopped just above his ankles. He had been amazed by the bright colours of it, it was bright green and emblazoned with a white square pattern. It had been a gift from their Aunt Hattie in America.

Once he had the dress on, he walked into his mother's room and applied all the makeup that he deemed appropriate- violent red lipstick, purple eyeshadow, pink blusher and thick lines of eyeliner.

"Mama!" He shouted as he entered the kitchen, proud of his work, "Mama! Look at me!"

His mother spun around, clutching the spoon she was using to cook the Ewedu soup. Her mouth fell open in shock.

" _ohun ti o ṣe si ara rẹ_?" She muttered in Yoruba, forgetting of her son's only basic knowledge of her mother tongue.

"Pardon, mama?" He smiled and tilted his head.

"I said, what have you done to yourself?" Her tone was cold, which surprised Ellis completely whom had expected her to love his new appearance as much as he did.

"I'm a girl, mama. I'm called Ellie, do you like it? It's like _Ellis_ but different, mama," he giggled and adjusted the dress.

"No! You're a boy, don't forget that! Now go and take off that rubbish before your father gets home and hits the roof. No son of mine will be looking like one of those _fags_."

His eyes started to fill with tears, "why don't you like it, mama? I look pretty, don't i?"

His mother put down her spoon and crouched in front of her child, tightly gripping his small arm.

"Listen to me, Ellis. You shall never put on a dress or makeup again, okay? Boys don't wear that stuff and you'll make god angry if you do, yes? You'll embarrass yourself and the whole family so go and get changed and we can pretend that this never happened and papa won't have to know. Now go and change," she pushed him back into his room.

When the door was closed, the child looked into the mirror and sobbed. Why could only he see that he was beautiful? Why did his mama see Eli and not Ellie? Why would his papa be angry if he found out?

Why must he be unhappy for God to love him?

»«

He looked in the mirror and sighed with disappointment. His body just wasn't what he wanted it to be. He was firm where he wished to he soft. His chest was a field of flatness when all he wished was for breasts to fill the small, sports bra that Lily had given him. His face had begun to produce facial hair and he knew that it wasn't long before he'd need to start shaving but at least his hair had now reached a length which he deemed satisfactory.

" _Your hair is beautiful, Ellie_ ," Lily would whisper sometimes while they sat in the library working together on homework.

He had also been given a small tube of clear nail varnish by Martha which he would apply to his nails every morning in the sanctuary of the toilet.

He could hear one of his friends coming up the stairs and hastily dressed himself in his robes and straightened his tie.

"Hi, Firewing." James greeted as he collapsed on his bed.

"Hello there, Prongs."

The boy didn't reply so Ellis turned from the mirror and sat at the foot of James' bed.

"Do you know anything about phoenixes?" He asked suddenly.

Ellis shrugged, "I know that they are immortal."

"Oh no, Firewing. They may live for a very long time but they're not immortal. In fact every few hundred years, they burst into flames and out of the ashes, they are reborn. The same Phoenix with a different and better suited body."

"Oh- that's cool. Why are you asking about phoenixes anyway? I don't recall having any homework due about them," Ellis wondered.

"Your animagus is a phoenix, right?" James ignored his question. Ellis nodded.

"Yes, of course. You know that. What's this about, James?" His heart rate sped up while he waited for the reply.

"No reason, just asking for a friend."

"Why?"

"Well," James began, "they were wondering why our animagi are what they are. Padfoot is a dog because he is loyal, I'm a stag because I'm proud, Wormtail is a rat because he's... small."

Ellis watched him uneasily, "and why d'you think I'm phoenix?"

James rubbed his glasses with his sleeve and answered, "because you want to change."

»«

Ellis' grin slipped from his face as he saw Severus Snape enter the library and slide onto his table, sitting down exactly opposite from where he sat revising for his transfiguration exam.

He briefly looked up at the greasy haired wizard but didn't say anything, Snape was Lily's friend after all.

"Adedayo," Snape said as though holding back a laugh.

"Snape," he mumbled back and looked back down at his work, doing his best to ignore the intruder.

He heard Snape pull out a few books and ruffle what sounded like paper and parchment, followed by the scribbling of a quill against the rough surface of the table. Ellis sighed, of course Snape would have to vandalise the table that he routinely sat at without a faint thought about how it may affect the others around him.

Once Snape had finished scratching the table, he turned his attention to Ellis but didn't say anything. To try and defuse the tension, the latter spoke up, trying to find a common topic they shared.

"Lily is worried about you," Ellis said before thinking. He inwardly cursed himself and prayed that Snape would either ignore him or walk off. Neither of them happened, instead, Snape barked back,

"Why is that _mudblood_ worried about me? Isn't she supposed to be dating your arsehole friend Potter?"

Ellis didn't flinch at the slur, he had grown accustomed to the way people casually threw around derogatory terms; in both the wizarding and muggle world. He kept his voice level and expression neutral, "for some reason, she thinks that you're a nice enough person to be her friend and I guess that she worries about what you're doing with those Death Eater lads."

Snape snorted harshly, "and what do you think, Adedayo?"

Ellis shrugged, "I don't care what you do in all honesty, but it's hurting Lily to see you with those pricks and I care for Lily. Look, you can do what you want with your life but keep Lily out of it and don't be so disrespectful about her. If it wasn't for her, you'd've been beaten up too many times to count."

"Ahh, you care for Evans, aye? Is that why you let her dress you up like a doll and take those pictures of you? You looked like a right _fag_ ," Snape spat.

Ellis' eyes widened and his heart lunged into his throat. "What the fuck did you just say?"

Snape smirked and turned over the pictures in front of him, revealing them to be the shots taken in the Hufflepuff common room. The ones he could clearly see were of him wearing Fatima's black hijab and a long black dress with silver embellishments, along with winged eyeliner, silver eyeshadow and white lipstick; the other was of him in Olga's floral sarafan dress with his hair braided in a traditional Russian style with red ribbons hanging from the ends of the braid.

Ellis tried to grab the pictures to hide them from both his and Snape's view but the Slytherin wizard pulled them just out of his grasp and shoved them back into his bag.

"Where did you get those from?" Ellis growled and grabbed a hold of Snape's collar, pulling the wizard's face right up to his so that he could venomously stare into Snape's muddy eyes.

"Woah calm down there, _Madame Mudblood_ , I really don't swing that way-"

"Shut up and tell me where you got these pictures from! I know about a hundred different hexes that I could use right now that wouldn't leave a trace, so don't fucking test me, Snape!" Ellis threatened in a dangerous whisper.

Snape just chuckled darkly, "one of your little friends left her bag open after wretched Muggle Studies and I was able to quickly swipe them. Don't worry, I won't release them unless you push me into doing so. Now let go of me."

Ellis let go of Snape reluctantly and sunk into his chair, his blood boiled as Snape slid from his chair and smirked cockily.

"Please don't release them, Severus," his voice was small and desperate, "It will completely ruin me. You know what it's like to be an outcast, this will be so much worse than teasing. People get killed for this in the outside world."

A flash of what looked to be pity or guilt swept over Snape's face until it morphed back to its natural look of discontentment and slyness. "Like I said, Adedayo, unless you give me a reason to, I won't spread them."

Ellis nodded in defeat and sunk into the table, trying his best to hold back the tears.

A few moments later, curiosity overpowered his weariness and he looked over the desk to see what Snape had etched into the hardwood.

_**Madame Mudblood woz here** _

»«

He lay in bed wide awake while his friends all slept happily around him. He knew that Remus and Sirius both slept with their arms out of their beds so they could hold hands while they slept.

 _"God you're both so goddamn gay_ ", James had scoffed when he first saw how they slept.   
" _Yup_ ", Sirius had winked while Remus shrugged.  
" _Technically, I'm bisexual_ ", he stated.

Ellis sighed and tried to keep his thoughts from wandering, although it was a feeble attempt.

As his mind roamed, so did his hands, over the dark skin that stretched across his flat chest and along the sides of his narrow hips. Every touch reminded him of how he didn't fit, how this body was wrong.

He had already taken to calling himself Ellie in his head but he still found himself shocked and left stammering whenever Lily would use that name. It terrified him how much he adored the name, how much it was him.

He still hadn't gotten around to thinking about pronouns. Let's just take this a little at a time, he thought.

Every night he'd remind himself of who he was.

 _My name is Ellie, not Eli, Adedayo._  
I'm not a wizard, I think that I'm a witch.  
I'm not a boy, i think that I'm a girl.

It was a big step for him, to admit to himself who he was. To give himself the freedom to refer to himself as his true name. He thought that he was pretty lucky to have such an easy name like Ellis, it meant that he wouldn't have to go through the long process of changing it which would bring more unwanted attention to himself.

He was scared, though, of what his friends might think. Would they react the same way as Snape had or would they be like Lily? He hoped that it'd be the latter but he couldn't be sure. He suspected that James already knew, Lily probably let something slip, and that meant that Sirius probably knew and thereby Remus. He didn't really care about Peter's opinion in all fairness.

He wanted to tell his closest friends but doubt still crept around his mind. How could he be 100% sure that he wasn't just confused or faking it? How could he prove that he really was a girl and not just a boy who wanted attention?

A tear gingerly rolled down his cheek, marking a shallow path for other tears to follow. He pulled in a jagged breath and squeezed his eyes shut to try and block out the world around him and the thoughts that screamed in his head.

It was times like these that he felt like a prisoner in his own body. He thought about how much easier it would be if God had just given him a girl's body.

He wanted to have perfectly rounded hips like he had seen all the American soul singers have. He wanted his hair to reach down to his waist and run over his soft, visible breasts. He wanted the obvious sign of his manhood between his legs to disappear and leave (as his baby sister Claudette called it) a _noonie_ in its place.

He felt as though part of him was screaming to be let free, the same part that he had heard screaming since he was old enough to understand the differences between men and women. When his father had called him _his little man_ and his twin sister, Alma, _his little princess_ , he always found himself jealous of Alma's title.

 _"Why does Alma get to be a princess when I have to be a man_?" He had asked Marie once when he was around the age of five. Marie had just laughed and shook her head at his question, _"well Alma is a girl and you're a boy! Boys can't be princesses, that'd be weird_."

That'd be weird, echoed through Ellis' mind. What would his sisters say if he told them that he was a princess and not a man? Would he be weird too?

He tried not to think about it.

»«

"Ellie?" Lily said as she sat down next to her friend in the almost empty classroom.

Ellie smiled at her and pulled their hair back from their face, "hi, Lily. What's up?" They asked a little distractedly. They had their mind on more pressing matters.

"What's wrong? You seem a little off today," the witch asked. Ellie shrugged and scrunched their eyebrows in thought. "C'mon, you know that you can tell me anything? Do you need more nail varnish or-"

"If I were to walk up the steps to the girl's dormitory, do you think that it'd let me get to the top?" They blurted and quickly covered their mouth in embarrassment. Lily stopped speaking and sighed as she spoke.

"Well if the stairs judge the person on gender, then it would let you up. But if it's on biological sex-" her voiced trailed off as she realised what that would mean.

"If it was biological, I wouldn't be able to go up. Because I'm not a girl," Ellie muttered sadly with a hint of bitterness in their words.

"You _are_ a girl, Ellie! You know that," Lily pulled them into a hug and held them tight into her chest.

They smiled sadly and shrugged.

"I guess that I could try? It's just that I've been having so many doubts and I don't know. What do you think?" They asked quietly and slowly.

"That's a pretty good idea, maybe when the others have gone out for lessons. I think that we both have a free period tomorrow around the same time so we should come back while no ones here," she planned. Ellie agreed.

"T-that sounds like a good plan, t-thank you, Lily," Ellie stammered with tears in their eyes.

"You don't have to thank me for helping you. Everyone deserves help," the red headed witch wiped the tears falling from her friends eyes and smiled warmly.

The warmth in Ellie's chest grew stronger with excitement and happiness.

»«

Ellis stood in front of the mirror and sighed. This was the moment that he'd been waiting for.

Lily was waiting for him in her dorm room with a new dress and necklace waiting for him on her bed. All he had to do was climb the stairs to her room.

He slipped of his robes but kept on his trousers and jumper, as well as his red and gold tie. You are a Gryffindor, he reminded himself, you are brave.

He had brushed his hair a little to try and create the illusion that his hair was longer and applied a small amount of mascara that was only noticeable to him.

"C'mon," he whispered and took a long slow breath, trying to keep his anxiety from ruining the plan, "you can do this. You are Ellie Adedayo. No one can fuck with you, least of all some grotty stairs."

He checked his reflection one more time and headed out of his dorm and down the stairs until he reached the fork where they split into two, one heading to the main common room and the other: to the girl's dormitories.

He took a moment to collect himself before placing his hand on the bannister and putting his foot on the first step- nothing happened.

 _Maybe it stops you when you're a little further up_ , he reasoned.

He closed his eyes again and with trepidation, moved his feet further up the stairs; taking deep, steady breaths as he got higher and higher, and closer and closer to where Lily sat waiting for him.

Still the stairs didn't change.

His heart leapt with uncontrollable joy and relief as he stepped foot on the last step and into the dormitories.

 _"I knew I was a real girl_ ," she whispered to herself and grinned the brightest smile she could muster.

Ellie startled herself as she began to howl with relieved laughter and jumped up and down with sheer glee.

"I'm a girl! I'm Ellie! I'm real!" She yelled as loud as she could and pulled Lily into a tight embrace as soon as the ginger witch ran out to her.

"I'm a real girl!"


End file.
